If you were walking into a meeting with co-workers that you knew in advance was going to have some conflict (the issues to be discussed, the time of day, the people attending...it's going to be a fight), what are the two most important qualities you need to constructively work through the problem? (One of them is not karate!!)
The two most common answers I hear in my workshops is: patience and listening. (Compromise and negotiation are also high on the list)
I would agree but change the wording to self control and listening. I call them the golden sword and the silver sword. Without self control we tend to get in a tug-o-war (power struggle) with the other person. They raise their voice and we raise our voice. They start talking faster -- we start talking faster. They get a little bit insulting and we think, "nobody talks to me like that!"
This is so common and we always have a good laugh in the workshop illustrating two, three year old, children on the playground each pulling on the opposite end of a jump rope shouting, "MINE!" To get to first base in conflict resolution we have to learn to let go of the rope. In communication that means choose to be silent, bite our tongue, and let the other person speak. Listening is silent loving. Hear to other person out and summarize back to them the main idea you hear them communicating. (This does not mean you have to agree with them) This is not easy and goes against our normal tendency to escalate. More on this tomorrow.
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